I’m sure you’ve seen the video for “I’m On a Boat” by The Lonely Island, either on SNL or on YouTube (if not, you can watch it here). It was a hilarious video that parodied a ton of rap and hip hop clichés, and featured guest vocals from R&B singer T-Pain.
I’m Not A Fan But The Kids Like It! by Brokencyde is a whole album of songs like “I’m On a Boat,” but they blend it with screamo. And it’s not funny. Or good. At all.
Why MySpace Needs To Be Regulating Who Can Use It
The band first launched their way into stardom and a record deal by posting tracks on MySpace in 2006, something that is quickly guiding me toward hating MySpace as a format for musical promotion, as cases like this lead me to believe that the entire site is occupied by deranged psychotic juveniles who are either entirely lacking in musical taste or who have been so beaten down by bad music that they have no idea how to taste anything at all anymore. Or how to think for that matter.
Calling their style of music “crunkcore,” Brokencyde mashes in screamo with hip hop beats, and if that were not bad enough, they do it in a way that’s entirely devoid of anything resembling passion.
And you shouldn’t interpret this review as an attack against the combination of punk or emo with hip hop. Many bands do this and do it well. Bands like 3OH!3, Whole Wheat Bread or P.O.S. – these are the bands you should be seeking out for thick, punk-influenced beats. Do not, under any means, seek out Brokencyde. I really can’t stress that enough.
I’m Not A Fan… combines many of the worst aspects in popular music today into a slickly overproduced package that, despite its high production value, is painful to listen to. I really recommend you don’t. In fact, listening to this album in order to write this review left me with recurring feelings of sadness and fear for the future of music, and the future of American culture and its youth in general.
Their songs are a bitter paste of predictable, uninspired hip hop party anthems and screamed vocals, with titles like “Freaxxx” (yes, with three x’s), “Booty Call,” and “Get Crunk.” The songs are filled with horrible lines about “getting crunk” and “shaking booties,” one of the tamest and most comprehensible being “I’m feeling frisky tonight/girl, you can frisk me tonight.”
Wow, I feel dumber just for having typed that out, and I refuse to quote anything more.
The Possible End of Culture In America? Of Life As We Know It?
In 1982, Atari released E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial for their 2600 gaming system. Critics called it the worst video game of all time, and it hardly sold at all. In 1983, the company, under the cover of darkness, hauled truckloads of the game to a landfill and hid their shame away from the world. Those of us who are true fans of beauty in this world can only pray that I’m Not A Fan But The Kids Like It! sees a similar fate.
You see, with this monstrosity known as “crunkcore,” Brokencyde are attempting to create a new sound, and should they succeed, music will have taken a backslide, and in fact may be staring down the funnel of a creative black hole, the likes of which have not been seen since “Disco Duck” hit number one on the Billboard Chart in 1976. Granted, in that case, music dodged that bullet and continued to achieve heights of inspiration and innovation, but is that a chance we want to needlessly take again?
Not only am I recommending you not buy this album, I think you should go so far as to slap the hands of anyone you see picking it up in the store, and in a worst-case scenario, should you be near the stage where they’re playing on the Warped Tour this year (why they were even offered a slot is beyond me), you should immediately do an about-face and run toward the nearest stage that is also playing music, in order to avoid hearing anything this band has to offer. If this is the future of music, it’s a future without hope.
Release Date: June 16, 2009